Girl Troubles

[VillaJ100]

So, my and this girl i know are really good friends. We used to go out all the time and have fun, and tell each other anything. NOw shes started hanging round with this group, and the girls who are all ho's and guys idiots, one of who's she dating, and shes changing for the worse, acting like a slut and dressing like one, started to drink lots and take drugs. She rarely sees me anymore, and if i ask her to see me its me being "clingy", yet whenever they ask she jumps at it. The last time i saw her we was taling about stuff generally and the subject got onto sex, and she stopped it and said "i don't wanna talk to you about sex, it makes me uncomfortable, because i see you as a brother" (yes that old line), and then hinted she's been sleeping around a bit but said i dont want to talk about it. but we used to talk about anything and everything. we used to be quite tactile too, but now shes almost repulsed by me. Its never been a attraction thing, she doesn't see me that way at all, and i find her atrractive but then again i'm a guy and dont have complicated friend zones, and we are both smart enough to know it wouldn't work.

I dont wanna be priorited all the time, just occasionally, but it used to be we saw each other 3-4 times a week, now its about once a month, and i worry cos i love her to bits and don't wanna lose her/see her get hurt, because she's quite vunerable deep down.

lol sorry for the life story. but any advice would be great.

[emate007]

Eesh, that´s rough man.

But honestly, you feel no attraction to her? It seems like you still like her more than ´friends´ if you care that much about her.

[VillaJ100]

Not sure, i think shes pretty and a nice person, but i dont have that spark for her. i just dont wanna see her go down a crap path, because invariably it'l go worng and it'l be me she turns to for assistance, and i can't really be doing with that lol

[DRII]

There's not much you can do dude. I've been in similar situations. Lets face it, many girls nowadays want to 'sow their oats' just as much as guys do and have no problem behaving promiscuously.

It sounds like you care about her, but as an individual she will make her own decisions. All you really can do is tell her how you feel without being angry about it. If she refuses to change then stop trying to hang out with her. Sooner or later she will regret her actions and hopefully learn.

I know how it is to be the 'nice guy' that feels neglected, seems to be the natural law!

But another problem is when or if she comes around and changes her behavior you probably won't find her attractive anymore.

[fedfan]

I'm not sure if the fact she is a woman is an issue here or not.

My best friend is/was a girl I knew from High School, we hung out together, went on holiday and talked about everything.

There wasn't a spark between us but eventually for me the lines between friendship and something more became blurred and I realised I wanted more, but she didn't.

Eventually I had to take a step back, it wasn't fair for her to be concerned about my feelings everytime she picked up with someone, and I couldn't just hang about to be a sounding block when things went wrong.

Nowadays she is in a relationship and we are still mates but see each other less frequently and we revolve in different circles.

At the end of the day she will have to realise who her friends are and what she wants, you can't be responsible for the decisions she makes so don't feel you need to shoulder the burden.

[SoundfSilence]

Have you told her the people she's now hanging out with are bad news?

There really isn't much you can do if you've already done that, but she still decides to choose her 'new' ways.

It sounds like you were very close, so I think you should be able to talk to her how you feel (exactly like how you've open it up to us in the forums). You love her (whether just friends or more), so you will have to be there for her when things turn sour... Persist to see her more than once a month, that's one way to help her, be with her more (although she may think you're clingy, if she is your friend, she should listen to you).

[emate007]

At the end of the day she will have to realise who her friends are and what she wants, you can't be responsible for the decisions she makes so don't feel you need to shoulder the burden.

[fedfan]

Villa at the end of the day you know your friend best, and probably already know the best way to act, maybe you are just looking for someone to reaffirm what your thinking.

Some friends think it is their duty to step in and give their opinions to their friends whatever the consequence.

I for one have issues in my own life but people trying to give me advice does not work for me at all, sometimes you have to come to terms with things yourself first, and then just hope that those closest to you will still be there when you want to talk.

[VillaJ100]

Yeah, i'm not the sort of person to look for advice on a tennis gaming forum, lmao. I told her i feel like i'm being swept into a corner, and she just promised that not going to be the case, but if i become too affectionate and tell her she means a lot to me, she says she feel uncomfortable and smothered and clung to, because she feels the same but dont feel she has to say it or explain it. Girls are hard work lol, friendships should be easy though!

Thanks for the input though fellers

[GOA MASTER MDMA]

this sounds for very difficult situation

how old are you ?
and how old is she?
when she had her last friend ?

friendship can die -when you start falling in love .
so proof it before you make this step
hey villa ,don´t give her the controll - don´t let go love into your heart before you know its seriously love from her .
try to act first with your head -not with your heart

let you and her time time and see whats going on ,look the felings are true and clean -
have a good time and decide later

not that you get hurted at end -with loosing a friend

[Moralspain]

[ILuvBillVal]

Seek out the Bearded Clam.

[VillaJ100]

she's 20 and i'm 21. Lmao, if i enquired about the bearded clam, that would be that i think. I'm just worried she'l go off the rails and end up really messed up, but she says she has two parents, she doesnt need a third, so maybe i should back off and let her do what she likes. maybe she'l see substance in time.

[GOA MASTER MDMA]

okay- thanks .
you are both young .
when she say she need no 3 parents and stuff like that than it sounds shes looking for experiences in her young life ,to find out things .

you must look to open a way ,that she can comes to you from herself
check out what she will have from yxou
1 to have fun and a great time
or
2to speak about her problems and her experiences she had without you.

show her you are interrest to stay with her more than a normal friend (but in a slowly way )and to spend time with her in a more private way .
like to go out with her-to stasy on partys -going to cinema ecetera

all without pressure ,just to figure out how it feel to spend time together
when she say yes than be no parent be a man and show her how you are as a man ,as a person, your true character
when you spend time with her you will see it works together or not

when she talks alot from things without you ,than be carefully to open your heart .
i´m normally real good in handleing girls (i´m a little womanizer lol)-but so from distance and without knowing and seeing her and you its difficult to help you.

also its hard for me to explain this in english.

villa i wish you real luck -whatever the future will bring you .

and think allways : womans are crazy strong understandable individuals!!-
open your eyes and ears to se -feel-read her feElings and emotions - and don´t scare to spoke out whatever you are interrest for !!

when you have any questions -feel fre to ask me. also over PM

[Vieira151]

i would help you villa, but i dont have hte experience necessary to help

I seem to be able to help my friends fine, even with my lack, but there are better people here to help you

P.S THis is a very Q-esque post